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Ontario, Canada.

I would like to hear from you regarding the funniest stories related to pumpkin growing. E

Did you ever chop off a main vine? How about dropping a hammer of your biggest fruit. Send them along. I would like to hear about your trials and tribulations. Lets have a laugh together. Send them via email to me, they could be used during the convention.

Share them here if you wish but please submit the dirty details to me. Jokes are very welcome too.

Russ Landry
Director of Events
International Giant Vegetable Growers Convention.

2/7/2006 9:50:30 PM

Syracuse, NY

okay, for example?
i hope you like THIS one:

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you
in a while. What happened - you look terrible!"

"I feel fine,” said the pirate.

"What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine
now."

"What about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"Oh, yeah, we were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword
fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

"And what about that eye patch?"

"Well, one day at sea, a big flock of birds flew over.
I looked up, and one of
them pooped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender.
"You can't lose an eye from just a
bit of bird poop!"

"It was my first day with the hook.
But really, I’m fine now."

DOE!

2/8/2006 12:55:24 AM

Napa Valley, CA

!

2/8/2006 2:51:11 AM

Hudsonville, Michigan ([email protected])

O.K. Here's the stupidest thing I've done...I still don't quite find this funny, but I might smile if it were someone else who did it...

I have grown for 12 years in a small suburban backyard patch, with room for only one competition plant. (Recently I started renting some farmland as well.) For many of those years, I reasoned that to compete with the 'big guys' with room for many plants, I would plant several seeds at one end of the garden, then weed out the 'weak' ones by June to be sure I had the most aggressive plant possible in my patch. (In fact I was ripped pretty good on BP for wasting some good seeds in this fashion.)
In 2001 I used this technique, culling the 'weak ones' early, and ended up with a nice 441 lb. fruit from some Dill 700+ generic stock. A couple of years later I came across the seed packs I used that year. You can imagine the look on my face as I read the label on the empty P&P seed pack: 845 Bobier.
And I didn't even give it a full run. Ouch! Learned my lesson though: don't double plant good seeds.
I'd rather wipe bird poop out of my eye with a hook. :)
Frank

2/8/2006 10:29:47 AM

Itzetown City

Eric, what do we learn about?
The bird poop should hit him frist, than he would not hurted in all the battles.
I wish a bird would hit me at the begin of the season. lol

2/8/2006 2:27:54 PM

Syracuse, NY

sorry, i guess i don't get it. i can dish it out but not take it, lol! i guess the punch line is that the
final injury he was asked about (the eye patch) was because he went to wipe the poop out of his eye and had "forgotten" that he had a hook in place of a hand...always cracks me up, lol.

2/8/2006 3:08:24 PM

Syracuse, NY

right there with ya, Frank--hope you feel better;
i bought a total of a DOZEN 845 Bobiers at $5 each
in 2001, just BEFORE the growing season and later-on during the season of '01, once i saw how big my 728.5-to-be
was becoming. i had been under the IMPRESSION that the 845 was the same as the 723 that grew Joe Pukos's 1096.8,
being a newbie and all, so i figured i would have comparable results. well, nearly, lol! anyway,
i have squandered them away, really, really away,
and one of them i had planted in '02 at a close relative's
house in his yard. well, without compost, without tilling,
without vine-burying, etc., etc., you get about a
45-pounder, a micro-me of the 1260.4 Weir, lol. feel better?

2/8/2006 3:17:23 PM

Norton, MA

Which stupid mistake do you want?!

The time I dropped a moving fan on a 100 lb. tons of potential early pol.?
Last year when I flooded my patch so much the frogs came from my neighbors pond to my patch?
When in my very first year (02) I put a piece of chocolate cake on the stump of the plant because I thought it would "feed" it?
Or maybe the next year when I poured a pint of unmixed Ortho pesticide on the roots?
AleX Noel.

2/8/2006 6:53:51 PM

Syracuse, NY

okay, you win!
lol!
i especially like the "cake mistake"!

2/8/2006 11:53:24 PM

Rhode Island

russ, A LITTLE PUMPKIN POETRY FOR THE SEMINAR

2/9/2006 8:48:59 AM

Rhode Island

fat ass momma

my season started sweetly, each vine positioned neatly
i misted,weeded and thought up some names
knowing full well, they were headed for fame

july brought females open and ready
i sprinked on pollen, like it was confetti

the baggies went on ,the bees shut out
" to friggin bad for you",i started to shout

right away she started to swell
pretty soon, she will grow like hell

day twenty was near a disaster
the main vine was tight, before and after

i cut some more taps,then pulled her back
"geez i think i tore my sack"

shes growing like crazey so i gave her a name
called he "fat momma", i have no shame

by august first she was tippin six fifty
wow i thought, this is real nifty

down went the sand, tarps set up nice
i even spred moth ball to scare off the mice

fat momma started clipping fifty a day
step aside kids i got no time to play

trips to visit family were put on hold
my wife complained" this shits gettin old"

i told her that soon the growth would be a stoppin
all she would say was " who cares, i wanna go shopping"

by mid august fat momma was a sapping
her blossom caved in, but the wifes jaws still a flappin

its late august now,shes plump and stout
i felt so proud i wanted to shout

she tapes 1350 doing 15 a day,im not gonna loose
theres just no way

mid september now two weeks to go
that blossom looked kinda funny as it started to flow

one week to glory man what a story
fat ass mommas taping 1540

then just two days before the lift
one of the ribs looked like it started to shift

i approached "fat bastard momma" with out so much as a grin
i knew in a glance she had broken wind

there it was as plain as day
a fist size hole as soft as clay

my season may be over but i have no regrets
when ya grow these things sometimes thats what ya get

"if you cant handle disapointment find a new hobby&q

2/9/2006 9:33:06 AM

Syracuse, NY

uit this one."

Right? is that the last line?
i think everybody was speechless,
since 9:33:06 this morning!
good one, pap! strange, no comments
otherwise...hmmm......
i am thinking "Hot Rod Lincoln"
music in the background, lol--eric

2/9/2006 6:05:55 PM

Mn

Great one pap. Brings a tear to the eye. LoL

2/9/2006 7:37:25 PM

San Jose [email protected]

this is a funny one I heard last week


A young man moved into a new apartment, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered .... "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me."
---

2/9/2006 8:08:43 PM

Ontario, Canada.

Thank you to all who have passed along stories.

Russ Landry

2/11/2006 10:28:36 AM